The Brew-Shooter
Got brew troubles?  New brewers and seasoned malt-slingers alike, we all end up with batches that just don't work out, for one or more reasons.  Sometimes we know what went wrong, and just hope to make the best of a bad session; other times the answer can be as mystical as the great question:  Why am I beer?

 Here are some of the more common problems the home brewer faces and what we can do to prevent them
 

Cidery Flavors are almost always the result of one thing:  dextrose!  Also known as corn sugar, brewer's sugar, and priming sugar,  dextrose is fine for priming, but not so good for making up your fermentable content.   Steer clear of recipes that call for a large quantity of brewing sugar- those are the most likely to taste bad, and also the ones that give so many novice home brewers the wrong impression about the quality of home-brewed beer.
A generally accepted rule is never to make your beer with more than 20% adjuncts;  When it comes to sugar (cane sugar is by far even worse),  as little as 5% may alter the flavor considerably.  However, if you do find a problem and you think this is the cause,  try letting the beer age a few weeks longer and try it again.  Fortunately some of the cidery flavor weakens with age.

Weak Flavor in your beer often simply indicates that there wasn't enough malt to give full flavor.   Six or more pounds of liquid malt extract is generally enough, while 5 or more of dried malt should generally suffice.  For all-grain brewing, it's important not to over-sparge, adding too much water to the batch as well as washing many undesirable tannins, unfermentable carbohydrates, and grain husks into the wort, which can affect the flavor.

Chill haze is generally a side effect of an improper mash, or perhaps the brewer used a mix of grains that is more prone to creating a more hazy effect. While it won't change the flavor of your beer much if at all, the look of a cloudy beer often tones down the joy of partaking in it.   Instead of mashing at the conversion range in a single step,  adding a protein rest at 122 F for about 20 minutes will usually reduce most chill haze to a minimum.   Other common causes are bottling/kegging the beer before it settles properly, disturbing an otherwise properly settled batch of beer by handling it too roughly when bringing it to the bottling area,  or perhaps the style of beer you made is normally hazy to begin with.  Wheat beers are commonly more hazy than many others.   Often a few days of cold storage will help settle out a lot of natural cloudiness, so giving it some time in the fridge may be all that's required.   Of course there are many clarifying agents we can use, and perhaps they are the easiest answer of all.

Sour Beer  can be a sure sign of disaster, unless you're brewing a Lambic, in which case that sourness was part of the plan!    In most cases, it's simple:  You got lazy, and didn't sanitize something, somewhere along the line. That sour flavor is the result of bacteria infecting your beer.   Remember, there's no such thing as being too clean!  You don't have to be anal about it, but good solid habits are our best weapon against this problem, there's just no excuse for slacking off when it comes to preparing our bottles, kegs, and other equipment.
Remember, anything that comes in contact with our batch once it cools should be sanitized beforehand.
 

Gushers-  Those bottles that serve themselves without even having to tilt the bottle over- are often the result of either too much priming sugar, or bacterial infection.   Perhaps you were too anxious to bottle that batch so your friends or family could taste it at an upcoming get-together?  If so, it may not have been fully fermented, and it was simply too early to stop the process.   If you are bottling, try adding less priming sugar next time.  Chilling the beer will slow down the action considerably, but be careful- if the bottles are too powerful, they may simply explode.   Bacteria that survives in your beer often thrives on normally unfermentable carbohydrates- complex sugars that the yeast would not have fed on.  This adds another significant amount of gas to the beer, which can be quite dangerous.  If you have a serious problem with a bottle or two, it's probably a good idea to pop the caps off before they blow apart later on.  Sometimes re-capping is all it takes to save a batch like this, as the flavor is often not affected until much later on, when the beer will eventually sour.  Drink it soon, and perhaps no one will be the wiser except you, who will cure the problem on the next batch.

Flat beer-  the reverse effect- is simply the result of not enough priming.   In general, 3/4 cup of corn sugar for priming is enough, but specialty brews may call for more or less.   If you're desperate, try adding a quarter-teaspoon to each bottle and re-cap.  If you kegged your beer and find it flat, there's a likely chance you have a leak somewhere in your system. It may be quite small, but over time the C02 will all leak out. Cranking the pressure up to about 30 psi then looking for telltale bubbles will often identify the source of the leak.
Reminder: leaving your tank connected full-time with the valves open, even at low pressure, almost always results in an empty tank the next day!  Keep enough pressure to retain a proper flow, then close all valves to the keg, and shut the tank valve off. There's nothing like going to pour yourself a pint of your favorite brew, only to find that fresh-filled tank totally wasted.

Excess bitterness in your beer is not actually a real problem- unless you happen to like malty beer.  Sometimes we find odd bitterness and/or other strange flavors in our beer, but that's generally when we turn to all-grain brewing, and have over-sparged the grain.  If you're sure you followed procedure, you'll want to simply cut back on the amount of bittering hops next time.  Learning our own brewing system well is accomplished over much time and many batches.  Keeping good notes about each batch is certainly the key to rapid success.
Remember,  we each have a different tolerance and appreciation for bitterness, maltiness, and other beer flavors. Just because someone tells you a certain recipe is great, keep in mind it was great to their taste, not necessarily yours.   If you are a beginning brewer, you'll need to learn how boil times affect hop flavor, bitterness, and aroma first hand- there's just no substitution for experience.   With a few batches under your belt, you'll soon have a good idea of what you can expect to happen, and adjust your recipes accordingly.

Right beer, wrong hops?  With such a vast variety of hops from around the world at our disposal, we sometimes we find one that doesn't agree with our tastes.  If you find a recipe that's pretty much just what you were looking for, but there's that something about it that you don't, perhaps this is a good place to start.  A good hop characteristics chart can give you lots of insight on what you are trying to accomplish or avoid in a beer.
You may find yourself not brewing true to style, but if you can alter a good beer to make it great in your own home, who cares!
 

What, no body?  While some people think being a "six" is having a great body, beer drinkers know better- full, lucious mouthfeel is a wonderful thing!  For the extract brewer the simplest way to increase the quality of the batch tenfold is simply to add a pound or so of freshly crushed grain to the recipe.  For very light beers Cara-pils will work in most cases; if your beer will be a little darker, or if color doesn't matter, Crystal malt of varying Lovibond (color intensity) ratings.  For most brewing purposes,  40L Crystal makes a fine general-purpose addition.     For extract brewers the addition of malto-dextrin, a powdered form of the same unfermentables found in those malts is a simple alternative.   All-grain brewers have much greater control over each aspect of their finished beer, and the body is a factor of the mashing process.  Higher mashing temperatures (around 157-159 F) generally create a fuller-bodied beer, while lower temps (150-153) lead to a lighter-bodied beer. Of course the opposite is true for the alcohol content, so the brewer either makes a compromise, or adds more grist to increase the alcohol level.    Remember, good beer doesn't come in a bikini!
 
 
 

The all-grain brewer faces a myriad of potential mishaps.  Undeterred, he is more often than not rewarded with some of the finest beer to be had.  Below are some of the more common maladies he faces, along with the likely cause.
 

Astringency  is usually caused by tannins which were released into the wort by either too-hot sparge water or  improper PH during the mash.  A puckering feeling is a sure sign of this problem.

Buttery Flavors  are attributed to diacetyl production, which is commonly caused by too-high a fermentation temperature.  Other causes may be racking off the yeast before the fermentation is complete, or a bad batch of yeast.

Cardboard flavors  are usually the result of old, oxidized beer, or perhaps it was aerated during bottling.   Other oxidation flavors may include a catty or sour, green-tomato taste.

Cooked Vegetable flavors  are generally the result of dimethyl-sulfide, or DMS.   Commonly this is the result of an infected batch. Sanitation and rapid cooling of the wort will prevent this common problem.

Fruity flavors such as banana and clove are normal for many wheat beers, but if you find it in your English Ale or Irish Stout it's probable that your wort was fermented at too high a temperature, or you used the wrong yeast strain.  Fermenting at over 77 F is a common cause of this effect.

Medicinal, Phenolic flavors can be the result of residues left from sanitizing solutions or it may be from using chlorinated water.   If the yeast was subjected to sudden changes in temperature or other conditions, mutation may also be the cause.    Wild yeast that are ever-present in dried yeast packets are also sometimes the culprit.

Metallic flavors  are almost always the result of using poor brewing water.  Water that's high in iron content is especially notorious for causing this problem.

Musty flavors  can and should be easily avoided- the result of old, spoiled malt, the smell of it before it was even used should have been a clue it was time to replace your bad grain.

Rotten- egg or sulfur flavors  are once again the result of infected beer.   However, in some styles, a small amount of hydrogen sulfide is a natural byproduct of fermentation, and it will fade with time.  If the batch is not severely affected, try aging it longer before deciding it's a failure.

Sweetness, that which is far stronger than intended, is a simple matter of incomplete fermentation.  Perhaps the batch was racked to secondary too quickly, and there was insufficient yeast to remain active in the batch.  Over-sterilization of the fermenter could allow a short ferment before the yeast is killed off prematurely. Be sure to thoroughly rinse all sanitizing solution from your equipment with clean water. Bacteria won't have time to gain a foothold if your methods are sound.
 
 
 
 

Part II
 The Troubled Beer-Drinker's  Guide
(Warning:  experiencing two or more of these symptoms is a likely indication we're related!)
 
 
 
 

 
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.

FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.

ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: You are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.

FAULT: You have fallen forward.

ACTION: See above.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.

FAULT: The Bar is closing.

ACTION: Panic.
 
 

SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see anything in your bedroom.

FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.

ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.
 

 
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

 

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass Empty.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless and the front end of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open or glass applied to the wrong face.

ACTION: Retire to the rest room and practice in the mirror.

 

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspects and textures.

FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

ACTION: Cover mouth.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

FAULT: Your dancing on the table.

ACTION: Fall on someone cushy-looking.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.

FAULT: Someone is trying to sober you up.

ACTION: Punch him.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

FAULT: You have been in a fight.

ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.

ACTION: See if they have free beer.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.

FAULT: Beer is just right.

ACTION: Play air guitar.
 
 

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.

FAULT: The beer is too weak.

ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
 

 
 
We all make mistakes,  it's part of the process. The important thing is to learn from them, and with each successive batch, to work at becoming a better brewer.
Thousands of gallons into this hobby, I'm just beginning to perform my chores with the ease of knowing exactly what will happen-
still with mild anxiety, hoping it turns out right.

Remember, as you brew onward in quantity, brew upward in quality!       Cheers!
 
 

 
 
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