Sometimes you may see a joke posted more than once. At that time, you'll have to wonder: Is he just a MO-Ron, or did he do it on purpose?
The answer: It depends! Sometimes I don't realize it, other times I do, but just don't care!  The way I figure it, there should be at least two new visitors here each year, so they might not have seen some of my favorites!  Besides, it's not like I get paid to do this, so if you're not willing to start sending me greeting cards stuffed with cash, stop yer complaining!
 
 
 
An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life.
Until the boat sank.
The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But-- but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or
hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place, " she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines--strategically positioned-- and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know..." She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean-- ?", he swallows excitedly, "--

I can check my e-mail from here...?"
 
 
 

 
 
An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again! The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the redneck's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He makes his own lunch"
 
 

The pretty young girl was having a tooth pulled and the dentist gave her the usual, "This will not hurt a bit." routine before bending over her with a drill in his hand.
He immediately drew back in complete alarm.

"Miss," he said in a barely audible whisper, "You have hold of my testicles!"

"Yes, doctor, I know," she smiled, "and we are not going to hurt each other, are we?"
 

Edna went into her local Arkansas branch of Victoria's Secret to buy some fancy new panties. The sales lady talked her into buying some real nice bright red crotchless panties.
Edna put them on and waited for her husband, Ralph, to get home from work. When Ralph arrived, Edna was all laid out upon the bed and pointed down to the new crotchless panties she had on. With a wide smile across her face, Edna asked, "Want some of this?"

Ralph took just one look and said, "Lord no, it done ate a hole in your panties..."
 
 
 

New Jersey Pickup Lines:

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth
tonight.

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta
me.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride
you all day long for a quarter.
Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya.

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
 
 

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit came in and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"  The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
 
 
 

A Californian, an Arizonan, and a Texan, attending a convention in a
little town just outside Las Vegas, were standing in a seedy bar enjoying a few drinks.
The Californian grabbed his wine spritzer and knocked it back in one gulp. Then he threw the glass against the back wall, smashing it to pieces. He told the other startled drinkers that the standard of living was so high in California that they never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the Texan finished drinking his margarita, and threw HIS glass
against the back wall. He loudly proclaimed that in Texas not only were they all rich from oil, but they had so much sand that glass was cheap and he too never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the Arizonan drank his beer, drew a revolver, and shot the
Californian and the Texan. As he was returning the gun to his holster, he told the wide-eyed bartender that in Arizona they had so many Texans and Californians moving in that they never had to drink with the same ones twice.
 
 

Leave a Comment	Handy Hop  Chart	Beginner's Guide to Home Brewing!	Brewing with Yeast Cultures	Reviews, Tips and Tricks	A Twin Pepper Brew Session
Beer Facts	Kegging Your Beer	Beer A-Z	Cats 'n Crap	The Humor Page	Beer Recipes
Beer History	Beer Quotes	Fun & Games Downloads	View my Will	Songs, Sounds,and Screen savers	The Gadgets Page
How to Treat Your Beer	Make Your Own Mead	A Quick Guide to Beer Styles	Guide to All-Grain Mashing	Important Self-Test	The MO-Ron Page
Home		Site Map			PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Twin Pepper Pizzeria	Bread and Dough Recipes	Favorite Food Recipes		Some Favorite Links	Learn How To Fix That Bad Batch!